Sometimes

I feel overwhelmed. This past few weeks have really taken a toll on me. Not with the company i've had at my house, just some other issues i've been battling. Some health issues and some family issues. I feel i'm stuck in this place and i'm not sure how I got here, or how to get out. I'm being tugged in 3 different directions. I feel torn and overwhelmed. I know i'm supposed to hand it over to God, but right now..its hard. I remember when I was in grade school and telling my Mom or Dad, "but all the other kids are doing it..why can't I" My parents always had the same answer, if everyone else is jumping off the Mackinac bridge, are you going to jump with them? I hated that answer. It seemed so...insulting. Seriously? Jump off a bridge? Hardly the same as getting your ears pierced. Now as an adult i'm once again struggling with what to do. Why do I always feel like I can save the world? Why do I feel like I can help family members mend fences. From the outside looking it things look so clear, say i'm sorry, forgive each other and move on. I'm TERRIBLE at holding grudges. It's something I just can't do. I read once that holding a grudge on someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to die. I seriously believe this. I really really try to forgive and just move on. It's hard, but I really do try it. I'm tired of the hectic stuff in my families. Both families. Tired of people being angry, saying hurtful things to each other, holding grudges, not understanding what they've done to upset someone else, and mainly..I don't understand why "I'm sorry" is the most difficult 2 words to say. I feel as though i'm the middle player that is trying to do what I feel the right thing to do. Is there a line of "loyalty"? Is there a place where you stand against another family member and take their side?Do you carry their hurts and their troubles and fight with them, or stand in peace and in love? How do you do that without feeling unloyal? Its tough.. seriously tough. Again..looking back to our bibles we are taught to love as we are loved and to forgive as we are forgiven. I'm not sure where i'm supposed to stand. It's exhausting, really really exhausting..And this time, i'm following my heart. I'm turning to my Bible, turning to God, handing it all over to Him. I just feel so...overwhelmed. I keep saying that I know, but its true.



Yesterday we went strawberry picking. Picked 28 quarts of berries. My fingers are stained. I think kids should get to go pick berries. It's a great experience. Fun for them to find the best berries, unless you're Daniel and spend most of your time checking out the tractors at the strawberry farm! Here he is with a pouty face after being told we couldn't Ride on one of the tractors..

Did this last year and I maybe picked 10quarts(by myself), so this year I take 2 extra kids, Daniel AND Steve. We get there and I say..everyone, load up your quarts. Steve looks at me and says- you realize that's ALOT of berries. Na..its good. we'll have shortcake and pancakes and pies and jams. How fun!!!.. Last night as i'm cutting, cleaning and turning into a strawberry, Steve says..Isn't this FUN! Yeah...REALLY fun..Who the heck thought it was a good idea to fill ALL these quarts? These are the times he LOVES being married to me...

But, we finished up, lots of bags of fresh strawberries and YUMMY jam
(made with less sugar and its really good)



After working everyone hard yesturday and turning into a berry last night, I decided we all needed a break, so off to the beach we went! Everyone played in the water while I sat in my chair, read a book and got lost in the story of someone else's complicated life..

Sweet dreams to you all!!!